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[18 Jul 2009|11:44pm] |
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well?
Well, of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best?
Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need?
And you decided this.
Mmm what you say?
What did she say?
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I dont believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
Don't read into the song choices TOO much. It's what I am listening to at the time. Now...whether or not that song is there, randomly, on my WinAmp playlist of over 300 gigs of music, or if I happening to be listening to it because I sought it out specifically...well, you figure that one out. I'm giving you everything else, and a guy has to have SOME secrets, yeah? Anyway, the song is Hide And Seek by Imogen Heap. It's another of those Songs that screws with me a bit.
Well, dammit. I tried, but that confession is going to have to wait, I guess. I just erased quite a lot fo text. Mainly because I'm not sure how to put it in such a way that won't make all of you look at me...differently.
No. I'm not dying, though it sure ain't fer lack of trying.
I'm not gay either, so, Pat, put it away.
Anyway, moving on. I find it difficult for me to write, lately, which is...not good. I like writing. I do. But despite the acute depression and disconnection I'm currently dealing with, I cannot seem to channel that into wordsmithing. Used to be ale to, can't anymore. Still can't sleep, and that's getting to be more and more of a problem, as I am beginning to lose lrge chunks of my short term memory. For instance, I have no idea how I made money at work today, but I know I did.
Granted, I always do. Heh. S'why my boss tolerates my insanity, bless him. I put the Cash in the Pocket.
But I don't...really remember today. At all. Or Friday. Or Thursday. Now, having looked up sleeping crap on Google...yay google...I am at least relieved to know that my massive memory loss, or rather, inability to retain, is a direct effect of me not sleeping. So, if I can fix the lack of sleep, I can fix the mindlessness.
Plus, well...I'm bored. I've memorized my ceiling. I wouldn't mind relearning the insides of my eyelids.
So, what did I do today...woke, went to work, came home, ate. Ran around the house like a lunatic with Achilles. Worked on this, and some art. Lord only knows when I will lay down.
We all suffer for our art.
I've decided I want cookies. Sadly, I have none. At all. I could make some, but that involves a level of effort I cannot see myself putting into anything at this point. Seriously. My ass is a part of this couch.
Other than that...yeah, iI got nuthin'.
You kids have a good one.
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[17 Jul 2009|09:45pm] |
One day you'll hold your head
So dark and withered dead
Wish you were here
A simple task to feed
Of unforgiven greed
Wish you were here
I found out how to be perfect for you my dear
While I was bumping around
Bumping around
You dont wanna to face me when you
You dont wanna to make me when you
You dont wanna to take me when you
You dont wanna to face me when you
You dont wanna to make me when you
You dont wanna to take me when you
Fail
Ah yes, Tricky's You don't wanna. It' labeled as hiphop, and yet I hear it played in goth clubs. Which, considering it's lyrical content...well, it's pretty obvious as to why. Plus, it's a fantastic song to dance to, and to watch others dance to. You can do a variety of different kinds of dances to it, from agressive, to slow, to simple...hell, it REALLY goes well served with a glass of a Liquid.
Some will get that, others will need an explination.
So! Anyway!
What have I done, what have I accomplished today...well, was told that my police report will 'Take as long as it takes'. Oi. So, while paperwork is pushed through, I am annoyingly being made to wait in the wings.
Ah well. Patience is it's own virtue, I suppose, good things come, blahblahblah insert-inspiring-hogwash-here.
WASH. Not Warts. Hog WASH.
I cleaned. Which is actually fun. And ate stew. Goooood stew. And enjoyed a day where Achilles was actually quite well behaved, as opposed to his usual OHMYGODI'MAPUPPYANDICAN'TSTOPRUNNINGAROUNDINCIRCLESANDCRASHINGINTOTHINGS! antics.
Apologies to anyones screen whom I broke.
It's really funny when he tries to take off running in the house. See, it's all-wooden floors here. So, for about a half a second, he is literally running in place, Acme Road Runner style. It's hilarious.
Also. Something else that I was ging to put into my last entry, but did not...I have discovered The Truth. The real Secret.
I know why Goths hate Emo's.
See, first, let's look at Goths:
-Dress in black.
-Come out at Night.
-Obsessed with poisonus things.
-Often practice ineffective martial arts (Thanks Kuma!).
-Also obsessed with secret societies, and hiding thier identities.
Clearly, Goths are Ninja's.
Now, an equally critical look at Emo's:
-Awful fashion sense.
-Smell funny.
-Drink a LOT of alchohol.
-Travel in packs.
-Often cannot see out of one eye.
Clearly, Emos are Pirates.
And thus, it is explained. Now, you can rest easy.
And yes, this is a deviation from my typical stance on the Emo 'movement'. I do not believe it to be seperate from Goths. They are retarded Babybats. That's it. That's all. Just because there's a lot more of them than there used to be...doesn't mean they get thier own label. Get back on the bus, sit down, and...well, you know the rest.
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[17 Jul 2009|12:49am] |
You'd give it
We'd take it
You'd build it
We'd break it
You silently erase it
You'd feel it
We fake it
It's my red star (steal it)
It's my red star (can't let go)
It's my red star (conceal it)
It's my red star
Oh no...
Excerpt from Red Star, by Birthday Massacre. I have sort of a love/hate relationship with this song, and the memories it brings up. But it is a nice song, and the girls voice is lovely, and thus, it is worthy of inclusion.
Had a good day, ish. Made some headway in my brain, and that's good. Made stew, and that was good as well. I love beef stew. It's comfort food, and as the doc says, apparently, comfort=stew. Stewing in my own comfort? Comforting my stew? Who knows.
Went and saw Harry Potter today...see, I've promised Vixen I would take her to all the Potter films, and even though things between us are not...as they were...I find that keeping my promises is a healthy thing. Thus, I'm doing it.
Even though I am...not a fan. heh.
I realllly love stew.
Also, I am playing WoW again. No all that fervently, it's...just not somehting I am that into. But I do enjoy playing with friends, and having my own Guild where only friends are members is good fun.
So, if you find yourself on WoW, on the Cenarion Circle serve, Horde side...send a msg to Nixot, Nihilate, or Graanid. Those are my C's.
I refuse to call them toon's. I hate that expression.
I wonder if I will sleep again tonight. I slept last night. It was nice. I want to sleep, but here I sit at one am...and not even a little sleepy. This sucks.
Oh well, it gives me more time to learn Flash, and try to find a work around for this damnable self-writing text issue.
Mm, stew. Achilles got some stew tonight, on his food. He DEVOURED it, seriously, I'm surprised he didn't choke. But he liked it so much he licked the bowl clean. He loives his food almost as much as I love mine, and he is always so happy to eat. Growing boy, I guess.
Somehting else a dear friend said to me is sticking in the forefront of my brain.
Possibly because of the song I chose tonight. Who knows.
"The most amazing star will not go undiscovered for long. And perhaps the first one to see it and not claim it will have to deal with that."
Wise, wise, wise, wise words. Lissten to them, kids.
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[16 Jul 2009|12:04am] |
The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures
And instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
Now, I'm not a huge Peter Gabriel ("I'm not Peter Gabriel, I'm Gabriel Byrne!"), but I love this song, to pieces. It's on the last episode of the 8th season of Scrubs, and right now, it really expresses what I'm thinking and feeling. The song is called Book Of Love, and if you haven't heard it...go get it. By whatever means required. It's a very simple, powerful song.
I love cookies in a tube. Had some today. Both cooked and uncooked. Very yummy. Achilles is absolutely insane, still, but that's ok. He' a Doberman puppy. And I am not sure he is actually aware that he is, in fact, a dog! Seriously. He doesn't bark at other dogs, he doesn't even seem to care about them. Just seems confused by them, and looks at me, as if to say..."Dad? What the hell are these four legged weirdo's saying? I want a cheeseburger."
Most of his looks end with "I want a cheeseburger." He learned this behavior from the cat. I think that Zen is also directly responsible for his "I'm still a tiny puppy!" behavior, like trying to crawl into my lap, or fit in small places.
Zen is a very bad influence.
The house is clean, my Space is set up, my games play correctly, and my solitude is only interrupted by sad Vixens who get sad.
It's pretty good, for the most part.
Granted, my lack of ability to sleep or really taste anything is begnning to get to me. Alot. Now my legs are acting up. Wheee.
But anyway. Have a good one.
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[14 Jul 2009|08:29pm] |
...I see my father gently wavin'
clutching all I believe in
I whisper my farewell
Send the last ship home.
Send the faithful home.
Send the last ship home.
Send the faithful home.
That's an excerpt from Last Ship, by Rotersand. The version I am listening to is the Rearranged one, and it is...excellent. Everything a technodustrial song should be, and has everything a song of this nature should have. Concise lyrics with many interpretations, a clear beginning, middle, and end point to the story told by the song, and a grinding underbass that refuses to let you remain still. Even as I type this, parts of me are dancing at random.
It makes typing difficult.
So, anyway, news. Hrm. Well, thanks to certain people in my life, I've decided to become a hermit. If you really wanna know, and you havn't wrangled the story out of me already, feel free to ask. But I want to do my best to keep my joural free of the craaaaaap that littered the old journal.
So, I have decided to, yet again, rip down my website, and re-build it, which is why it only has the self typing text right now. Which was fun to code...and FAR EASIER than doing it in Flash.
Speaking of, if anyone DOES know how to code in Flash, and knows a simple way to code self typing text into a Flash file...because man, creating keyframe after keyframe in a classic tween for each damn letter...no...let me know. I could use the help.
So, anyway, I'm on Holidays! Been using that time to set up the house, cleaning out one room, moving stuff into another, setting up a sacred space, chasing the dog around the neighborhood, making some art, writing, that kind of thing.
Enjoying the Silence, as a certain goth band would say.
Still can't sleep. I get maybe 2-3 hours a night, but for the most part, I cover up, inhale my incense, and stare at my ceiling until my eyeballs register the slowly increasing volume of light in the room.
Tell you what, it's doing my head in. I keep hearing random little noises, like the door chime at work, or my phone's vibrate setting going off, random stuff like that. Also, bodytwitches are up, a LOT. It's aggravating. Someone hit me in the back of the head with a brick.
Maybe several. Hundred. Thousand.
I have also discovered the Philosophers Stone of cooking. Italian Dressing. That's right. It goes wih anything you might be cooking. Hell, I just baked a half dozen baby red potatos, in nothing but 2 cups of water, and a cup of italian dressing. I then mashed them up and combined the mash with the remaining liquid. It was AWESOME. And surprisingly filling.
Granted, this doesn't work so well if you don't like italian dressing. But I don't know anyone who doesn't, and even if you don't, try it anyway. The flavor changes while it bakes.
Anyway, this is the first update of hopefully many. We'll see how it goes.
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| In 2 weeks... |
[05 Jul 2009|09:25pm] |
...I will resume posting.
That is all.
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